I don't want to say I've come to this realization, I'm just becoming more aware how deep down this is.
There is a sickness in the Christian church with position.
Look, I know it's nothing new but let me explain.
For 9 years, I received a paycheck from the church for full-time service in youth ministry. Now that I am currently not getting said paycheck, but feel like I'm doing just as much, it's begging to ask a lot of questions about what position has done to my soul.
For many, there are feelings of validation that come with it. That's what is sick. Your position is you. You are your position. The question becomes, "Can you do what you do without getting a paycheck for it?" This has brought up so many things inside of me that is deep.
Let me give you an example. Lately, there's a lot of questions about my gifts and talents. What I am really supposed to be doing? I feel like I'm made to do so much more than this. I know that teaching and preaching are huge parts of who I am, and now that I don't have that outlet, it's making me ask a lot of questions. I don't get a paycheck anymore, therefore my calling is not affirmed and validated.
For those of you who get paychecks from the church for such things, you know exactly what I'm talking about. A paycheck in a sense becomes a sign of support, that God is validating your calling.
And then we start complaining that our paycheck isn't big enough. We start saying that it's really not as supportive as we originally thought. We start comparing our paychecks to other's paychecks.
That's position talk.
I even think about scholars and experts. Look, I am grateful for people who invest this amount of time in study in certain disciplines, but the scary part is when I see them use their position to bash people who are not "scholars" or "experts" in the area mentioned. They are dismissed because of education, because of poor writing, logic, argument, and such.
That's position talk.
Even as volunteers, I always hear complaints about those who do get paychecks compared to them when they feel they are doing more work. I have a little more compassion for those who do get a paycheck considering I was one of them for a long time, and yet deep down, when I really have to admit it, part of me feels tied to that paycheck as a sense of validation, and I think for some who volunteer they feel the same.
That's position talk.
The thing I'm dealing with now is asking the question, "Who is me?" Not according to position, but who am I as a person? How does that connect with what God is doing amongst me?
The scary thing is that I've realized so many pastors are striving for better position. We look at those who write books or speak somewhere as having "arrived" somewhere (we may not use that term but that's what we are implying), taking their words as gospel. I have been one of those people. I believe God has wired me to teach and preach, but does that mean I need 750 students in front of me and getting a nice paycheck to say that my calling is now validated?
I currently lead a house church, mentor an elementary student (soon to be another), and am a d-group leader for 5th and 6th graders. It seems so insignificant compared to what I was doing.
That's position talk.
Think about bios. Why should I listen to this person? Well, because he/she has a PhD in this or that, or an MA in this, or is a 20+ year veteran of whatever. Maybe I just read the article and ask if God has something to say to me. What if it was written by a 10-year old? Would I not read because he/she hasn't even graduated high school? Again, I'm not saying that we shouldn't listen to those with advanced degrees and amazing experience, but sometimes I think we don't give credit to those without the degrees and accolades, but yet speak loudly the words of God in our lives.
In all of the roles I currently play, I am not getting a paycheck, yet I still do them. Why? Because this is who I am. Am I teaching and preaching? Yes. It's just a different kind. Am I still a leader? Yes, I'm just not getting a paycheck for it. But do I need it?
Now I understand the comments like "Well, we have to make a living." What the hell do you think I'm going through!? I have to make a living, and I'm not getting a paycheck from the church. I've been training for the last week on being a customer service rep at home. Is this something I want to do? No. But money's getting tight and I've got to pay the bills. I'm still doing all of these other things and have to get a job so we can pay the bills. It's raised a lot of questions.
I'm not saying you shouldn't get a paycheck for what you do (I'm talking specifically to pastors and those who do receive a paycheck from the church), what I'm asking is that if you are pursuing bigger and better paychecks, or positions, or accolades, or whatever.
THAT is position talk, and it's dangerous to your soul.
Where is your voice outside of your position? Who are you?
You see position talk all of time. When I was at the Isn't She Beautiful Conference I saw people taking pictures of everything in the building: the walls, the stage, the chairs, the paint, even Rob's sermon notes laid out on butcher paper. I hear the conversations of as Rob Bell and Don Golden like to say, "talk about how big their steeple is." I spoke at this and that, I write curriculum, I do this and that. Position talk is saturated in our church. We have swallowed hook, line, and sinker the global culture of power.
Think about where Jesus was born, who he was born too, who came to visit him, who he chose as his disciples, who God chose in the story of the Bible. The "not-good-enoughs," "have-nots," "didn't make the cuts," "B-team," "rejects," "social outcasts."
Even now I see talk about me because I attend Mars Hill, have this opinion like I'm the "insider." "You should really listen to this guy because he goes there." It is a very dangerous road to be tied to your position to feel good about yourself.
I speak only as a formerly paid pastor, but I know this runs deeper than that. This is in any job.
I don't know if any of these is speaking to someone, but if you are finding yourself desiring bigger paychecks, validation in position, and the like, ask yourself the hard "why" questions. Why are you seeking validation? Why a bigger paycheck?
For me, when I got down really deep, it was because I thought God didn't think I was good enough. It was because I thought God views me as a failure. It was because maybe I really believe God doesn't love me. It was because I thought God was punishing me for all of the past mistakes that I've made.
God is speaking all of the time, through ANYBODY, paycheck or not. Are you listening?
What I'm finding is that I'm doing the things God has wired me to do, but it just looks different than before, and He has to purge me of "position-talk" to prepare me for what He's laid out ahead for me. It is something that is attached to the deepest part of who I am, and it hurts to even talk about it.
But I am finding healing in the midst of it. I am seeing how God still uses me in spite of this. How he has place me in this particular context for such a time as this, and in this context I am slowly discovering who the real Mike Lamson is.
Thanks for listening. I am writing this at 1AM and there is no outline. I have literally dumped my soul extemporaneously regarding this subject.
If there is something that speaks to you, may it bring shalom.
"Okay, I just watched the clips of Rob at the Seeds of Compassion event. As a follower of Jesus and a member of Mars Hill I must say I am very proud of how Rob spoke beautiful truths in response to those questions. I am blessed to have the privilege to be engaged in those truths each and every time I hear him teach. I am blessed that he has spoken such truth into my life personally and directly. To say that he did not share Christ is absurd! As Christians, aren't we supposed to share Christ with our lives? If all truth is God's truth, then when we speak truth are we not sharing Christ?
As for not sharing the power of the cross, I am in complete disagreement. I have no idea whether he gave a "gospel presentation" off camera, but the words he spoke were indeed the power of the cross! Redemption and forgiveness and resurrection were the issues he spoke on - if that's not the power of the cross, I don't know what is! He did not need to use the specific phrases we are so used to hearing in our churches to share the power of the cross. There are those people who somehow seem to think that the depth of our faith can only be felt and heard with those certain words. How that shortchanges the ability of God to penetrate into the hearts and minds of all people! Rob may have gained more respect from his honest, thoughtful, and poignant responses than if he had done nothing but preach a mini-sermon. He may have lost respect. What if his answers encourage people who wouldn't normally take interest in what Christians had to say to listen to him and be curious about his writings and teachings? From my own personal experience, people who are dis-interested in or turned off by Christians are more than likely to take an interest in Christ from the Christ they see demonstrated in my life, not the the "Christian" words I speak to them."
Some think that because some of these words were not mentioned, the message of the gospel (which could be one of the issues, as that word in itself needs defined) has been "watered-down." If I speak on the power of forgiveness, of death, and resurrection, do you think it would have any possibility of speaking of Christ, and especially the cross?!
I think people come to listen to Rob, or Doug Pagitt, or whoever else you want to label as a heretic, evil, or bad (or you fill in the blank), already come with an agenda to nitpick anything they can find (and will take things out of context quickly) without considering that they can speak some truth. I am always trying to be aware when I take that posture with those whose views I don't totally adhere to (a certain seminary prof comes to mind), but at the same time, I am asking God for the humility to be open to truths that emerge.
If your mind is too shallow to not even consider the person speaking truth, then you are shutting off the Holy Spirit. What are you so afraid of?
I think people like Rob are showing those who don't profess in Jesus that there are Christians who do want to make the world a better place, who in my mind actually put love on display. What powerful words Rob spoke in those few minutes regarding violence in our world. It was a tough question, and he handled it beautifully and spoke with such hope.
So please, for the love of Christ and His Kingdom, please consider this plea to be humble; to acknowledge that God can teach us from anybody, anything, or any circumstance, no matter what our feelings toward them are. We will become more like Christ because of it.