I spent 45 minutes writing this review and I was just about to end it when my cat somehow closed the window and deleted everything. Ugh...and I was on a roll...
Previous reviews: Introduction and Chapter 1.
So here we go again.
"Sexy on the Inside"
Rob goes into one of those "hang with me" moments again as he spends the first six pages talking about our disconnection with others, the earth, and God. Since I've heard this teaching live, I know where he's going, but I can understand those not as familiar wondering what in the world this has to do with sex. Hang tight.
I'll let you read the first six pages of this chapter. I've talked enough about these in the past. He goes from questions from someone at a Stones concert asking "Why is so hard for us to get along" to asking why most car commercials are trying to escape the city to explore nature to the story of the beginning of Genesis.
We feel this disconnection deep inside of us, which is where Rob goes into the point.
He talks about the word sex in Latin as secare, which means, "to sever, to amputate, or to disconnect from the whole."
"Our sexuality, then, has two dimensions," he continues. "First, our sexuality is our awareness of how profoundly we're severed and cut off and disconnected. Second, our sexuality is all of the ways we go about trying to reconnect." (p. 40)
He then talks about those deep areas of connection such as describe nature in terms of nearness and connection, helping the poor and oppressed, and how we describe music. "Music is powerful because it is sexual. It connects us." (p. 40) He talks about this draw, especially in communal events, into something bigger than ourselves. We are aware of this and always longing for it (I would venture to think about what Reality TV is all about, or even why shows like Survivor and American Idol are so popular).
Rob then offers his redefinition of sexuality, and it is this that drives the rest of this book:
"For many, sexuality is simply what happens between two people involving physical pleasure. But that's only a small percentage of what sexuality is. Our sexuality is all of the ways we strive to reconnect with our world, with each other, and with God." (p. 42, emphasis mine)
He mentions Shane Claiborne (as you find out in the endnotes), as one of the most sexual people he knows, and he's single and celibate. He focuses his 'energies of connection' on a particular group of people, in this case, the forgotten and oppressed of Philadelphia. (pp. 42-43)
He then walks through terms like "causal sex" and "it's just sex." How some can have sex with so many and still feel so alone. How some can be celibate, single, and be extremely sexual...connected with many, and how even some can be married, sharing the same bed, having regular sex, and still feel disconnected. Being sexual is about connection.
He pushes this further to institutions and communities, especially churches. As we all know, churches are made of people, and people hurt people. Rob says, "When I meet someone who has been burned by an institution, my first question is, 'What was the person's name? We'll never heal until we can identify who did what when. Only then can we begin the process of being set free." (p. 45)
He talks about those who jump from relationship to relationship, church to church, groups of friends to other groups, not learning to do the difficult work of forgiveness and reconciling. Rob calls this "sexual dysfunction." (p. 45)
At the end of the chapter he makes a piercing statement:
"You can't be connected to God until you're at peace with who you are. If you're still upset that God gave you this body or this life or this family or these circumstances, you will never be able to connect with God in a healthy, thriving, sustainable sort of way. You'll be at odds with your maker. And if you can't come to terms with who you are and the life you've been given, you'll never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they've been given. And until you are at peace with God and those around you, you will continue to struggle with your role on the planet, your part to play in the ongoing creation of the universe. You will continue to struggle and resist and fail to connect." (p. 46)
Which prompts a question from his five-year old son to his wife on what "sexy" means. She says, "Sexy is when it feels good to be in your own skin. You own body feels right, it feels comfortable. Sexy is when you love being you." Hence, "Sexy on the Inside."
A personal note on this chapter, the last part of this is hard for me to swallow right now, if you've been reading this blog the past month.
I honestly am struggling with who I really am. There are so many people who have hurt me, and I am going through this process of letting go of all of that. In the midst of that, I am finding out some scary things about myself and my motivations, priorities, and desires.
For example, I have/had this need to feel validated, to be told that I'm good at something. No matter if a million people tell me here and there, my mind says that they're just trying to be nice and not to hurt me.
I started this blog originally, in all honesty, for people to think I had something original to say.
I don't. But I'm finding that there's not a lot that's original out there anyway.
Nonetheless, there was this itch for people to notice me out here, to feel like I was important. Right now, I am aware of what is saying that, that it is a system I bought into of how I felt worth. I read blogs and books all of the time and know there are so many other people out there who are much more smarter, more well-read, more educated, and more spiritual than I am.
But that statement in itself leads down a road of a performance-based paradigm of worth.
I think I'm stepping into something I've already doing, but with a different awareness, that I'm the kind of person that has something to say. And I think people will listen. I don't say this in an arrogant sort of way, but with a humility that I think God has wired me to be this type of person.
And honestly, that is the only reason I've continued this blog. I'm finding that the things that are said here, unoriginal and non-polished as they are, are actually helping others. To not do this feels like I'm walking against who God has made me to be.
I know I'm disconnected, in a big way...I know there's a lot of healing still to take place. I'm slowly feeling less the need to feel validated and feeling more the curiosity of what God his wired me to be i n the first place. Your reading of this is part of my healing.
This is getting in touch with my sexuality. If you're scratching your head on this one, read this chapter again S...L...O...W...L...Y, and ask yourself some questions about what's deep down there in your soul.
Up next, chapter 3, "Angels and Animals."
"For example, I have/had this need to feel validated, to be told that I'm good at something. No matter if a million people tell me here and there, my mind says that they're just trying to be nice and not to hurt me."
Wow brother. I can relate. I need to re-read that chapter again slowly, and allow God to really speak to me through it.
-rob from PA
Posted by: Rob | March 01, 2007 at 01:03 PM