Previous Reviews: Introduction
Ch. 1 "God Wears Lipstick"
Ch. 2 "Sexy on the Inside"
Ch. 3 "Angels and Animals"
Ch. 4, "Leather, Whips, and Fruit"
This is heavy chapter dealing with what lust truly is and how desire isn't a bad thing. It's a lot to process so I'll try my best.
If the Bible were a movie, there's a lot we wouldn't watch. Rob opens up with the story of Amnon. Do you remember this story in 2 Samuel 13? He falls in love with his sister Tamar and then rapes her. Rob mentions the disturbing verse after the rape, 'Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her.' Rob asks what it is that turns him so suddenly. He says it's lust. (p. 69)
Rob then goes back to Genesis and the garden. He talks about how everything in the garden was good. Rob then explains, "But for it truly to be good, it can't be forced upon these first people. That wouldn't be good. It has to be their choice. And so there's a tree in the middle of the garden called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil...the idea is that there is another way for these people to live, outside of how God designed things. And if they eat the fruit of this particular tree, they'll see what that other way is like, a way separated from the life of God." (p. 70)
He talks about all the senses Eve used when looking at the fruit. Rob says that "we are sensory creatures." (p. 71) So the problem doesn't become the fruit itself, as we talked about last chapter, but what the fruit represents..."rebellion against God. Rejection of the good, the true, and the beautiful. Another way." (p. 72)
Rob talks about how the fruit didn't deliver on what it promised, and this essentially what lust does. Adam and Eve ultimately said through giving in that God is not good, that creation isn't good enough for them (pp. 72-73). "Lust comes from a deep satisfaction with life...[it] often starts with a thought somewhere in our head or heart: If I had that/him/her/it, then I'd be..." (p. 73)
We are driven by this if...if I just...
Rob then starts walking through the process of where it comes from. He walks through the Greek word for lust, "epithumia," which means "in the mind." He starts talking about how we gave space in our heads for our cravings, and essence, we become slaves to the previous statement. "If I want something to the point that I can't conceive of being content without it, then it owns me." (p. 75) We talk about freedom, but sometimes it can become slavery. Rob says, "...freedom isn't being able to have whatever we crave. Freedom is going without whatever we crave and being fine with it." (p. 75)
So it furthers down the path and we start losing appreciation for the things we do have. Ephesians 6:19 calls it losing 'all sensitivity.' It is the word apalego in the Greek, which is from algeo-"To feel pain, and apo-"lacking or going without." So essentially Rob says it's "having lost the ability to feel things like they used to." (p. 76)
After we lose all sensitivity, it gives over to sensuality, Rob argues. "When our lusts get the best of us, they trap us. Whether it's food, sex, shopping, whatever, what was supposed to fill the hole within us didn't. It betrayed us. It owns us. And it always leaves wanting more." (p. 76).
Which is what becomes greed, "having to have more." It turns into a vicious cycle. Lust will never deliver, numbing us and leaving us always wanting more. Rob says that lust doesn't operate on a flat-line; that most people think they'll be fine because they think it will plateau at some point, but "lust always wants more." (p. 78)
Then lust leads to anger. "Sometimes it isn't expressed on the outside because it turns inward. That's depression. When it goes outward, it will often affect what a person indulges in--darker and darker expressions of unfulfilled desire mixed with contempt. Is that how someone ends up at leather and whips?...Lust says to us, 'If you just had this, everything would be fine.'" (p. 78)
But were not made to work that way.
So Rob goes into a great series of questions to ask ourselves about what we crave and evaluate them:
What is this craving promising?
Can it deliver?
Is this lust about something else?
What is the lie here?
Where is the good in this person or thing?
Where is the good that has been distorted?
What good thing has God made here that has been hijacked?
Have I been tempted like this before?
Have I given in before? What was it like?
Did it work?
Was I more satisfied or empty?
What will the moment, the morning, or the week after be like?
Is there a pattern here?
Amazing questions that all of us need to ask. So maybe you need to stop now, sit down and walk through these. This post will be here when you get back...
Okay, maybe you feel like that thing you struggle with is never going to be conquered. It feels like it's you vs. the craving. When we think like this, Rob says, "We will often lose." (p. 80)
Which leads into the last part of the chapter about desire. He goes through the text in Ephesians 4:28 about stealing, about the oddity of how it continues on past the "don't steal" part. It says to work so that you can share with those in need. So he goes through what happens in the process of stealing: the thought process, the questions we ask, the physical chemical reactions that are going on. "Stealing involves all of the senses." (p. 81)
So what happens when we say not to do something is that we really need to replace it with something else. Rob says, "The command is to replace one adrenaline rush with another, a better one, one that's good. But it doesn't stop there. the command ends with the person who was stealing learning to do something good with their hands so that they can take care of the needs of someone else. Stealing is about taking something from someone. This passage is about giving to someone who has less because you have more...it's about desire." (p. 82)
He goes on to say that desire isn't a bad thing, it just needs a direction. "It's not about getting rid of desire. It's about giving ourselves to bigger and better and more powerful desires." (p. 82)
So, Rob starts asking questions on where you channel your energies. If they don't go into a few, select, disciplined pursuits that you are passionate about and are willing to give your life to, then they'll dissipate into all sorts of urges and cravings that won't even begin to bring the joy that the 'one thing' could." (pp. 82-83)
So essentially it comes down to channeling your desires into bigger and beautiful things. What are those?
What are the few things you are gifted at? I'll have to blog on this another time, but in Parker Palmer's book, Let Your Life Speak, he talks about the idea of your "limits." I think Rob is tapping into that here. Knowing your limits is a good thing, and whatever few things you are gifted at you need to tap into and try to get rid of the other things that compete for the few things you're supposed to do.
What desires are bigger than your lusts? It's a good question to ask. I may be missing the mark on this chapter, but it's a lot to think about.
Up next, Ch. 5 "She Ran Into the Girls Bathroom."
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